just like any other day but this one was amazing

smiling has become easy because of yours

after trying so hard, how perfect it is to stop

you say everything right and i just can’t wait to hear you speak again

thank you for keeping me happy and being my warmth

i needed this in my life, i needed something in my life

turns out i needed you

do you think completely breaking down has a point?

i toy with the idea that it could all be gone so soon

but she is soft and it brings me back for just a short while

lonliness may be the worst pain i have ever felt

never to have really felt it before now

leave before they could leave you was such a better motto

the satin is empty and who knows how many were here before

i can’t imagine the pain i put myself through

‘never underestimate the power of denial’

pure lust empties into the green and i cry and sicken myself

never should be so hard and never to be so easy

i don’t know how to love anymore

there is no one worth loving anymore… including me

for the few of you who don’t know… i am single.

now there are not many great qualities to singledom but i will let you know one of them…dicks.

yep, that’s right. i don’t have to feel the same cock day-in-and-day-out. now i know a couple of you ho-baby friends of mine are thinking - tanya, screws a bunch of dicks!? NO! come on… you have to check under the hood before you test drive the car! and do you want to know what i have come up with…

the freaking cars are not worth driving! eeny, weeny, teenies! they just don’t make them like they used to - it’s a saying that continually comes to mind! how the hell am i supposed to date someone where my pinky will be the satisfying factor in our relationship!? ugh! now, on a less shallow note, i can tell you it doesn’t matter but i really would be lying, so let’s continue with the saga of shallowness.

now there will be some of you who think, why the hell is she saying this, but hey, there are a lot of views here - so someone is reading this crap. now - for the men out there right now who are thinking i am a complete biotch for writing this… don’t worry i am sure there are procedures. and if not… well welcome to the singles club - it frickin sucks!

there might be a body and so it goes

i am incessantly insensitive but at least you’re here

i am alive but apparently not living up to your standards

many points were made as the lights of traffic pilled

and tears slowly slienced me from telling you to stop

you said your peace and i said goodbye

i have been meaning to say you are right

writing and speaking and yet nothing comes out

who will give me what i want when i show i have nothing to give

such a smile and there is blankness behind it

such a laugh and it is completely asleep

speechless, voiceless, i watch the ones i love love

i am grateful they have this and i think where is mine

i watch the ones i love love…

because i have yet to show love

and not until this man said to me today, did i realize

i lay here and wait for a soulmate

because i don’t share my soul

i’m ready for this
time to make a change, a difference
i love my life
i want the best for myself
today it wasn’t too cold
i forgot deodorant but i learned to laugh about it
my mom made me smile and let me cry
bella got a new bone and looked so pretty in pink
he has left me and my heart cries
and so do i
but the pictures show happy times and i will have more
i will continue to strive for greatness
i know how to spell without using spell-check
i am a great cook, i don’t snore, i keep secrets
diamonds will still sparkle even though he’s gone
sunny days will still come even though he’s gone
love will still come
i will be happy

there was never a good moment when i came to this
an exception to all the rules and i realized this could be it
picture perfect and razor sharp, finally did something
but no matter changes made we all go on the same
glad mexico is not too far away from just one year ago
feelings are painful and you look at me with an insatiable smile
take the flight across country and hope things are better
i dream of beauty for myself and can’t wait for it to find me
does that woman know she is out there being thought of
not all the time but of course there are times and she is the one
i could be the one… if only i were quieter and prettier and better…
… and her

glass has bruised and battered our spirits
more than once we tried to keep our head’s up
without one another, what a lost cause
no one is you and no one is me
a break in our time means so much
and wake up because its means so little
our love will last eternally for eternity
it will go right and it will go wrong
but at the end we will always be
us is the only way we know how
couldn’t let go if my heart ever finally let me
no one understands, not a friend, not a member
but you and i are undeniably attached
for all your emotions, for all my issues
we are each other’s in every future moment
i don’t expect a sympathetic word
nor will i deserve a pat on the back
but what i get is you
and nothing else could make me happier

this morning felt blurrier than the normal

you weren’t next to me and it felt so catatonic

we are all used to a feeling and when it’s gone,

there is a loss of words and an empty space

the space is in the bed, in my heart and on my mind

seems we’ve come so far only to say we lost it

this afternoon felt like stepping on ice

gliding with no one to slide towards

we only remember the anger and now the lonliness is overwhelming

i wonder if it’s all worth it and i contemplate if this was the answer

this evening crept like death and tortured like metal

i craved your touch and your smell and she wants you too

this is the beginning of every day new and after

and i’m picking up the pieces

time to move on from the nights away and the mornings of illness

time to carry a good head and a healthy heart

ready to make you my love

now ready to make you my past

could be more insignificant

maybe hindsight truly is 20/20

should be desperately lifeful

but pink tastes so much better

sad to think of a loss

pushed to believe in a win

someone said you create your own misery

could i be the chosen one

or the one chosing

life is full of perfection

why do i hurdle over mine

trust is underwhelming and love is undermining

where is my happy medium

pick the softess touch and the closest feel

i believe we had it

now where do i begin

today i paid attention to your arm around my chest and it felt pretty

today chase sang to my profile and bella kept her sweater on

today i got out of this cage and it reminded me of what the outside should be

someone said look at the beautiful, intelligent, depressed girl and why

how right, look at what i can trust and love and how easy it is to say

i will continue to take the next step, to reach my hands out, to sneak a smile

thanks for bearing it with me and taking advantage of the happiness i promise

i promise, you will soon see